Betting Corner With Sportsberg

Down on your luck? Need some extra cash this holiday season? Rest assured, today I'll be breaking down the most foolproof bets to help fatten your wallet and restore your shattered self-confidence after years of pushing off therapy.

1.) Monday Night Football: Packers vs Rams, 39.5 Over/Under

I do not hesitate when I say this, take out a 2nd mortgage on your house. Call that rich Aunt who no one likes. This is the most surefire bet in this article, SLAM the under on this one folks.

Aaron Rodgers, known for his immunized white cells and for role-playing as Alex Trebek in the bedroom, is nursing an injury. One kept under wraps...ladies and gentlemen, I've contacted Aaron's personal doctor. On December 7th, Aaron tested positive for Hepatitis, after a late-night Menage a Trois. With who you may ask?? Please sit down for this reveal, for the conflict of interest may disturb those who are faint of heart.

Aaron, after two Twisted Teas, was blacked out at the Vegas Insurance Conference. His State Farm associates leaving him to wander from booth to booth, desperately asking for collision coverage on helmet-to-helmet hits. Only one company complied: Progressive Insurance.

Led by Baker Mayfield and Flo from Progressive, Aaron engaged in sexual relations too provocative to be put into text. Flo gifting the two QBs with STDS that should have lead to DNPS. But here we are, about to witness the most grotesque offensive display in Monday Night Football history.

2.) Little Timmy From Next Door, Over/Under 3.5 times brushing his teeth this week.

After recovering from the earth-shattering news of the Insurance Scandal, please place your remaining funds on this next bet.

Little Timmy is many things, but a "Dentist's Dream" he is not. Despite many efforts from his parents, Timmy's effort on the dental side of the ball has been abhorrent. Only using mouthwash most nights, even after eating garlic and parmesan bread bites. Kid is an absolute disgrace.

With his parent's recent divorce, now is the time to capitalize on Timmy's lack of hygiene. SMASH that under babyyy.

3.) Cars Set on Fire During Argentina's Victory Parade, Over/Under 54.5.

Lionel Messi may struggle at playing football, but he's really good at soccer. In a clash of the future versus the present, Messi defeated Mbappe, a script too fantastical to be reality. And yet here we are, SMASHING that over! Such an accomplishment should be celebrated. Scholarships in the name of Lionel for impoverished Argentinian youth, futbol fields built in underprivileged communities to help share the sport we all love, and heavily relied upon transportation devices burnt to ash.

Messi is that good folks, 37.5 cars is not remotely close to acceptable, I don't give a damn what you have to say Mauriene from the fire prevention brigade. You know I hate you girl. 55 Cars must burn, or Flo and Baker won't get insurance money for their next Menage a Trois....